dissection
This is something written by someone who finally acknowledged she was flat-out wrong about a few things, and that she must face consequences for her actions. She has been humbled.
-----
It's not my intention to confuse people. I said people are strong and then here i say, little human. Hell? Well, both are right. People just need to know how to handle it and strike a balance. There's a difference between being strong and being complacent about it.
I wrote this around the same time as the carnapping incident. But, during that time, the taking of the car wasn't the only thing I had on me. Thoughts flickered here and there, and I wanted to escape them all. Yes. Escape. Or justify them---all my hangups and struggles, stuff I've been futilely evading. And everything just seemed to converge that night, when one of my comfort zones was ripped from me. Finally, I was forced into facing myself.
Now, I know better.
And it's still hard.
-----
"Maybe we need to break everything in order to make something better of ourselves." -Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
Little human. Always hoping for an easy way out. You wish. People rarely ever get off easily when they know they deserve some form of reprimand for something that they should not have done. Try and hope, little human. Pretend for a few moments that you don't see it coming. Don't wonder why when it finally jumps at you and, for some reason, you don't feel surprised.
Picture the soul made of something like glass. Picture spiderweb cracks. The little human is aware of it, and the little human tries to hold it all together for as long as the little human could. Then things finally fall apart, and the little human begins to learn and understand things. The little human finally finds the courage to pick up pieces that have been waiting, just waiting, for picking. Never out of sight.
Maybe answers are always there. Glaringly, blatantly there. People pretend to search, but maybe they're just lying. Maybe they're just trying to find better, easier things. Yes, easier things.
--- written 04 July 2007
Created with ShoutPost
